We are surrounded by much confusion when it comes to differentiating between what is an observation, a perspective, an assumption or a judgement. Sometimes the confusion is in the semantics. However we may choose to label these terms, understanding the differences is critical.
An observation is stating observable facts, plain and simple, information taken in through the five senses, without any complicated thought process attached to it. An observation must answer the question, “What did you see/observe?” without complex cognition.
“I saw you leave your house with a couple suitcases last Saturday.”
But not everything in life is as clear as that, is it?
For example, early on in our marriage, Rob and I discovered that what I described as “sour” was “bitter” to him. Being the geek that I am, I looked this up and spent happy hours reading up about a specific gene that causes its lucky bearer to taste lemons quite differently. I’ve also run into friends who swear cilantro smells and tastes disgustingly like soap while I happen to think it’s a wonderfully aromatic herb that I cannot cook without! Rob and I also recently discovered a shade that we think is a dark, mossy green that turns into the most decisive brown when exposed to different kinds of lighting. Or, is it really brown that turns into green?
Which leads us to the reality that we see things differently and may have different perspectives on the same thing.
A perspective is how something appears specifically to an individual. It is unique to that individual. Therefore, two individuals observing an event may have two different perspectives on the same event.
“I saw you leaving on a trip last Saturday.” Or, “I saw you move out last Saturday.”
“Most people don’t see things as they are, most people see things as they are.” says Richard Rohr.
Perspectives are tricky because we often fail to recognize that what we may be seeing is our own unique perception of an object, person, situation or event, and it could be far from the truth. A wrong perspective will launch us on a trajectory that can take us far away from resolution.
Can we compare notes to see if we’re seeing things differently or to confirm if we’re on the same page? Can we allow for differences in perspective?
The plot thickens when we start adding more complex cognitive processes to our observation or perspective.
An assumption is adding unverified information to an observation. That information can come from a variety of sources: prior experience, prior knowledge, one’s personality type, current mood, etc. The list is long and complex.
“I saw you leave home with two suitcases.” Assumptions: “Your wife must have thrown you out!” Or, “I saw you running away last Saturday.”
Needless to say, when we jump from observation to assumption, we enter a realm where our vision is quickly clouded or distorted, errors easily made and where we may head down a path of no easy return.
Judgement means different things to different people, and means different things in different contexts. In general terms, it means coming to a final conclusion or pronouncing a final verdict – reaching a conclusion (condemnation or acquittal) after examining all the facts, hopefully in a fair manner.
In the relational context, judgement is “the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind.”
Opinions are powerful as they direct our attitudes and actions towards a person or situation.
“I think both of them are failures because their marriage is over.”
This makes it overwhelmingly important to honestly examine what our opinions are based on: fact or fiction; truth or lies; clarified information or unverified assumptions?
Clarification of information is something we often ignore. It takes time and intentional effort on our part. It means stopping, pausing, refusing to advance (or conclude) till there is clarity. It is the one thing that can help put the brakes on a derailing thought or communication process.
Can we stop and clarify our observations, perspectives, assumptions before we go down this road? Asking open questions can help bring clarity to a situation and protect us from sticking with unverified assumptions.
“What did you do last Saturday? I saw you leave home with two suitcases…”
Once something is clarified, validation can help steer and redirect our thoughts in the right direction.
“I didn’t know your father was ill and that you had to rush to help take care of him. I’m truly sorry you are going through a rough time now. Please let me know if I can help.”
May we truly learn to stop, to pause, to clarify our observations, perspectives and assumptions before diving headlong into forming an opinion of somebody or a situation!
At the end of the day, even if things are crystal clear in our heads, do we then act in a way that brings our head and heart into alignment with how our Creator instructs us treat one another?
There is no point in following our heads at the cost of leaving our hearts behind.
When head and heart come together, we are able to take a clear stand for we believe, and still treat the other with kindness, love, respect and dignity. For, at the very core of our belief system lies a profound, defining, overarching truth – that we are all created equal, in God’s image, deserving of all that God has for us and designed to thrive.
~shini abraham, ©2014, duco divina – contemplative doodling
Recent Comments